I know eating a last meal is not the most positive start to what I will have to class as a 'pro-ana' blog, and I have said this to myself a hundered times before but this time I really do belive it, it is now or never, I dont want to carry on in this fat body I am in. Don't get me wrong I am happy in life, I have the most loving, perfect boyfriend possible, I love art and am going off to study it at uni in september but I just know things will be better with this, its how I want things to be.
After today I will document all food eaten and all exercise done on here so I can't slack. Tomorrow really is a new day and the best way to celebrate this is by a full fast, I am looking forward to this :) life like this has been a long time coming.
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Things with food started to go bad about two years ago though in the past year it has gone from a bit of an issue to something that has taken over my life. I have been through many many phases of the thinking tomorrow is a new day, I will just eat healthy and I will beat this, I will be 'normal' again but everytime I fail. I can't shake this off. I have come to accept this is part of me now, I think the quicker I accept this the less time I will spend trying to decide what I want the more time I will have to enjoy my life even if I am just enjoying it as a skinnier version of myself. I believe I suffer from annorexia but the self conflict of whether to eat and get better has resulted in me having bulimic episodes as well. This means instead of me being like 5st I am 7st. Now I have come to terms with the fact that anorexia is a part of me that is not bad, it's beautiful, it's art I can concentrate on it and fully live my life by it. This blog will allow me to stay strong, to live this way of life hopefully with the friendship of others similar too.